Last weekend I found myself down in DC visiting a friend for the long weekend. I hadn't seen this friend in a year or so, so it was great to catch up, and, as we are wont to do, drink far too much.
Sunday started out at a popular brunch joint, with multiple bloody marys to kick off our day and, you know, hair of the dog and all that. We attempted to sightsee and walk off our brunch buzzes, but we made it as far as the White House before we decided that his favorite bar was calling our name. Off we scurried to The Bottom Line, where many beers were consumed.
The crazy thing about DC is that you can be smack dab in the middle of downtown and then, when the mood strikes, you can hop on a train or in a cab (we cabbed it) and find yourself in a completely different state in a matter of minutes.
Well, the mood struck, and we decided to meet up with some other friends at a bar in Virginia (God that sounds so weird) to watch Nascar, which I have decided is my new favorite sport. Let's face it, I never understood football, no matter how many times it was explained to me...Nascar is a bunch of hot dudes driving fast cars, THAT I can understand!
Moved onto vodka tonics at the Nascar bar, and just as I was getting comfy, the posse decided to go down the street for Trivia Night, at which I majorly kicked ass. Can anyone out there claim to remember the periodic elements sign for Tin and Silver? Yea...didn't think so. (fyi, it's SN and AG) More beers at Trivia Night...and Cheesy Poof was drunk.
After roughly 8 hours of straight drinking, I needed to get my ass back home, or my friend was going to have to carry me home on his back, which would have been entertaining for me, maybe not so much for him. So we stumbled out of the bar, found a cab, and had a very confusing ride back to Bethesda, MD, which is where my friend lives...see how weird this all is? Drinking in VA, sleeping in MD...what kind of fucked up town is this, anyway?
At any rate, we made it back to MD in one piece, and as it was only 10 or so, we decided to drink MORE, and watch Eurotrip, which I had apparently never seen, and was severely chastised for. Let me just say, between the Sarah Silverman "I'm fucking Matt Damon" vid (which we also watched about 400 times in a row) and his cameo in "Eurotrip", I can honestly say that I wish *I* was fucking Matt Damon. Rowr.
Now, anyone that knows me knows that after I drink too much, all I want to do is eat chocolate. And during the 359th viewing of "I'm Fucking Matt Damon", I demanded chocolate. "Where the fuck do you keep the chocolate?" I growled, while storming into the kitchen and pulling items out of the cupboard. "What the fuck? Ramen Noodles? Who eats this shit? Cinammon Granola Bars? Close, but not chocolate. I NEED CHOCOLATE."
My friend was frightened. He had never seen this side of me, as far as I know. He didn't know what to do. He offered to go out and find me chocolate...but seriously, have you ever seen Bethesda at midnight on a Sunday night? There would be no chocolate. And Cheese was getting upset.
He decided to text his roommate, who we left at Trivia Night. "Bring home chocolate." he messaged.
This seemed to calm my inner beast, it seemed...just knowing chocolate was a few hours away was enough to satisfy..so I shut the fuck up, and proceeded to watch Eurotrip.
The roommate finally came home, to find my friend and I jumping up and down on the bed, dancing to David Hasselfhoff's "Hooked on a Feeling", which we also played about 754 times that night. I had never been so happy to see someone. "CHOCOLATE????????" I jumped off the bed and lunged at him.
He pulls something out of his pocket. It looks suspiciously NOT like a chocolate bar. Or cookies. Or anything of that ilk.
It was a jar of chocolate sauce.
What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?
He gave me a look and set it down on the nightstand.
Thankfully, by that point I was beyond inebriated, and before I could open that jar of chocolate sauce and stick my entire face in it, or do anything else with it for that matter, I passed out.
Kim Basinger I clearly am not! At least not after 12 hours of straight boozing.