Last night I attended the Bandaid Crush's birthday dinner.
I was really flattered and excited to have been invited, since I am a relatively new friend. It seemed like quite an honor to have been included. I was a little nervous, however, as I don't really know any of his other friends, as well as his ex-girlfriend was going to be there.
A little background info on Bandaid Crush...he and his live-in girlfriend of 3 yrs recently (last 3 or 4 months I think?) broke up (initiated by him) but they have remained really good friends. Additionally, he is semi-involved with a woman who lives in another city, who he met through work...but he is "just not that into her" (he's actually told me this). Lastly, there is a woman he is devastatingly obsessed with who he used to date...who he has tried to remain friends with but I guess his feelings get in the way (sound familiar? Remax2 redux!). In addition to that she went lesbo and is now dating another woman. So he's got quite a bit of lady drama swarming around him, to say the least.
Of course, I always forget these things when I am alone with him, because when it's just he and I, it's like no one else exists as far as I'm concerned.
I walked into the restaurant, a little hesitant at first, until Bandaid Crush saw me and got up to greet me, giving me a big hug and a kiss. He led me over to the table, where 8 strangers sat, staring at me, wondering who the hell I was.
I recognized his ex-girlfriend, P Diddy, right away, you know, from Facebook stalking and whatnot. She was just as adorable in person as she is in pix. She actually knew who I was (score-it means he talks about me!) and the two of us became fast friends, much to Bandaid Crush's chagrin. By the end of the night, I knew quite a few secrets about him that I'm sure he could have lived without me knowing.
I introduced myself to the rest of the table and settled in for the night. I happened to be sitting next to Bandaid Crush but I noticed right off the bat that he was spending a lot of time with his head turned in the opposite direction, and then finally, he just got up and moved to the end of the table, where he was completely mesmerized by whoever or whatever was going on.
I sort of felt insulted, not that I should have..I mean, I was not there as his date, and it wasn't just me he was ignoring...he was ignoring the ENTIRE TABLE of birthday goers, and no one seemed disturbed by it, so I let it go and buddied up with his ex and flirted with his cute friends.
He did eventually come back to his seat next to me, but his attentions were definitely somewhere else...I couldn't really put my finger on it, because the only people sitting on the other side of him were these two women, both named Dr Han, who arrived together..
And then it dawned on me. One of the Dr Hans was his Remax2!
I didn't even realize that he was still that good of friends with her that she would have come to his bday party. And it didn't even register that the "friend" that she arrived with was her lover, the other Dr Han. What really gave it away was, his behavior reminded me of ME...I flashbacked to a couple Sundays ago when I had some friends over for the Superbowl. Remax2 arrived, and it was like nobody else was sitting there in my apartment eating my 7 Layer Dip and watching my tv...including Bandaid Crush! I completely ignored the entire room of people and stood in my kitchen with Remax2, hanging on his every word, making him drinks, making goo goo eyes at him.
It was hilarious to say the least, but once I had this epiphany during dinner, everything clicked into place, I could relax and really enjoy the rest of the night, knowing that Bandaid Crush was too far gone to rescue from himself, and my only function in his life at this moment was that of a new friend and nothing more.
At the end of the night, he and I took the train home together and he could not WAIT to get my opinion..."That was her! That was my Remax2!" he gushed.
Poor guy. I hope he knows what he's in for. Because having a Remax2 is really nothing to brag about.
Showing posts with label Bandaid Crush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bandaid Crush. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Functional Dysfunction
As much as I have about 8 million topics that I need to discuss with all of you, in light of the fact that I've been gone yet AGAIN for so long...I thought it was time to address my latest man situation, or lack thereof.
I have set up a sweet little deal for myself, that I like to call the "Can't Have Ya Trifecta".
It is made up of two recurring players in my life, Remax2, and Tall Guy (bet you forgot about HIM, eh?) and a new candidate who we will call the Bandaid Crush.
The deal is this...I don't have sex with any of these dudes, but in some form or another I have romantic feelings for them (none of them knows this, I don't think) and I just keep them around as friends. It's a win-win situation. They stick around, I never have to worry about being rejected, and I get to actually spend quality-time with them stress (albeit sex) free.
It's a weird little defense mechanism but it seems to be working. And the best part is, when one or two of 'em stages a disappearing act once in a while (which they always do. boys will be boys!) there's always a third one to keep me company in the meantime! It's a brilliant little plan!
Of course, it's highly dysfunctional on so many levels...for example, these are the kinds of conversations that Tall Guy and I have on a regular basis:
Him: "I've been dreaming about that hot little ass of yours. GOD I want that ass. So did you find a job yet?"
Me: "When am I going to finally get to sit on that giant cock of yours? Eh, still working on my resume."
Him: "Fuck me. Please."
We have been known to have such conversations for several hours, long into the night, when one of us should have just gotten in a cab and been at the other's door, for fuck's sake. But I think the beauty of our little arrangement is that we can keep this going pretty much until one of us gets sick of it...and so far, nobody seems to, so.
Remax2 has been doing a good job of keeping up his end of the friend bargain. I'm pretty impressed with his persistence and consistence. Um..but we're going out and getting drunk tomorrow night, to prepare for a nude photo shoot that we've been planning for months. Cuz I can't just have, like, a NORMAL relationship with the guy, that would just be too weird. Ha.
Bandaid Crush is a recent development, we met a couple months ago and I sucked him into my dysfunction, poor guy. He's new to the city new to the single world and I am merely showing him the ways of the land. So far, he's been my the most consistent out of all the members of my Bizarre Love Triangle...probably because he hasn't caught onto my insanity yet.
So there you have it, you've been invited to get a glimpse inside the mind of a genius. We'll see how long I keep this going before I want to either poke my eyes out, jump off a cliff, or at the very least, smash my vibrator against the wall.
I have set up a sweet little deal for myself, that I like to call the "Can't Have Ya Trifecta".
It is made up of two recurring players in my life, Remax2, and Tall Guy (bet you forgot about HIM, eh?) and a new candidate who we will call the Bandaid Crush.
The deal is this...I don't have sex with any of these dudes, but in some form or another I have romantic feelings for them (none of them knows this, I don't think) and I just keep them around as friends. It's a win-win situation. They stick around, I never have to worry about being rejected, and I get to actually spend quality-time with them stress (albeit sex) free.
It's a weird little defense mechanism but it seems to be working. And the best part is, when one or two of 'em stages a disappearing act once in a while (which they always do. boys will be boys!) there's always a third one to keep me company in the meantime! It's a brilliant little plan!
Of course, it's highly dysfunctional on so many levels...for example, these are the kinds of conversations that Tall Guy and I have on a regular basis:
Him: "I've been dreaming about that hot little ass of yours. GOD I want that ass. So did you find a job yet?"
Me: "When am I going to finally get to sit on that giant cock of yours? Eh, still working on my resume."
Him: "Fuck me. Please."
We have been known to have such conversations for several hours, long into the night, when one of us should have just gotten in a cab and been at the other's door, for fuck's sake. But I think the beauty of our little arrangement is that we can keep this going pretty much until one of us gets sick of it...and so far, nobody seems to, so.
Remax2 has been doing a good job of keeping up his end of the friend bargain. I'm pretty impressed with his persistence and consistence. Um..but we're going out and getting drunk tomorrow night, to prepare for a nude photo shoot that we've been planning for months. Cuz I can't just have, like, a NORMAL relationship with the guy, that would just be too weird. Ha.
Bandaid Crush is a recent development, we met a couple months ago and I sucked him into my dysfunction, poor guy. He's new to the city new to the single world and I am merely showing him the ways of the land. So far, he's been my the most consistent out of all the members of my Bizarre Love Triangle...probably because he hasn't caught onto my insanity yet.
So there you have it, you've been invited to get a glimpse inside the mind of a genius. We'll see how long I keep this going before I want to either poke my eyes out, jump off a cliff, or at the very least, smash my vibrator against the wall.
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