I ran into a friend of mine this morning who is in the process of looking for a man. On the internet. Nerve.com, to be exact.
I know this because, it's pretty much all she talks about, when we're together, and even when were not.
I remember a time when I myself was surfing the net for dudes, looking for my perfect match, hell not even, I was just looking to distract myself and see who was out there. And then yea, I met my perfect match, at least as far as I'M concerned, and maybe I don't have a right to judge. But here I go…
I do not understand the need for my friends to get themselves so wrapped up in men they meet online, who are already treating them like utter shit before they even MEET. And this is ACCEPTABLE behavior, apparently.
The men that my friend is meeting (and I use the term loosely because only a few did she actually go on dates with) are abusive, jaded assholes. They tell her she has no sense of humour. They feel free to ask her if she is having her "time of the month". One asked her if she was in therapy.
The last winner that she was conversing with kept saying that he wanted to meet up with her and make out, because he felt that kissing and talking were on the same level of importance. Everytime he brought up this idea, she would cancel it out with another idea—you know, crazy stuff like getting a bite to eat, or coffee, and he would say things like "thanks anyway." Because God forbid you should try to get to know someone over dinner. What a novel idea.
I guess she finally caved and decided she was going to be adventurous and just let the guy come to her apartment and see what happened. I was a bit appalled. Not that I had never done anything like that before…but the thing is, she is looking for her OTL, not just some fuck buddy, and this really wasn't the way to go about it.
"What ever happened to dinner and a movie?" I asked, sounding like my mother.
Then I got an earful about how I don't know anything about it, and I'm always so lucky with men, and she is getting desperate and she's not getting any younger, and she was just trying to go with the flow and I was making her feel so bad about it…so I shut the hell up and pretended like it was the best idea ever.
Well, as it turns out, the guy, the charmer that he is, finally committed to a date with her. And then just didn't show up.
And she is devastated by this.
It just twists my panties into a wad with every story I hear like this. A) because she gives two craps about a guy she's NEVER EVEN MET, B) because she's way better than allowing a guy to bully her into doing something she maybe didn't really want to do, and C) why couldn't he just call her and say he changed his mind or met someone in the interim?
I was farting around on myspace this morning, which I don't really do all that much, and randomly I started looking at my friends…there's a guy on there who I used to date, who I have not seen or talked to in at LEAST a year and a half…he had emailed me one day to tell me that he had met someone so spectacular, that he thought she might be the one..I thought he was bullshitting me because he just didn't want to date me anymore…until today, when I saw his myspace and he is getting MARRIED. Clearly to the girl he dumped me for. He was telling me the truth. I would never have guessed (oh and by the way, I'm really happy for him. No hard feelings at ALL!)
Another time I went on a date with a guy, who definitely had potential. We had a really good time, but a couple days later he called to tell me that he was in the process of working out some stuff with his ex-girlfriend, and would probably get back together with her.
At the time, again, I thought he was just trying to let me down easy (at least he called, other than never contacting me again...leaving me to wonder what the hell had happened?) but, handy dandy myspace led me to his page and lo and behold, not long after we went out, he was "in a relationship" again.
See? Isn't it better to just let a girl know the deal? Even if it sucks?
So you might get punched in the face, spit on, threatened, or cyberstalked. In the end, isn't your integrity worth it? ;)