A Day In Jersey

In the backseat of Mama Beehive's car, driving down to Jersey for Mother's Day to see Sister Beehive's new baby.

I'm sunburnt as fuck from riding my bike to Coney Island the day before--stupid me forgot to wear sunscreen. I'm also a lil hungover, having had dinner with my family the night prior. Dinner with my family always precipitates the imbibing of too much alcohol on my part, to counteract the intenseness of them all. At any rate, suffice it to say, I'm a tad uncomfortable, between the sunburn, the hangover, and additionally the fact that I'm about to meet about 1OO new people for the first time {Beehive in-laws}.

In my post-coital blissful sleepyness, I grabbed an iced mocha and a slice of pound cake earlier that morning, figuring there'd be some sort of meal in the afternoon.

Cut to hours later. I'm sitting in the living room, babies crying all around me,my head is pounding. Beehive Brother-In-Law made us take our shoes off upon entering the house, so now I'm concious of the fact that a whole bunch of people I've never met before are subjected to my feet. Beehive's mother won't stop playing the ABC's song, and it's being sung by one of those creepy adult voices that is meant to sound like a child's. Ich. I don't see any food anywhere in sight, other than a plate of fruit that is meant to quell my growling stomach. Not so much.

There seems to be some activity swirling around me {and far be it from me to get up and actually ask if I could help with anything..don't be ridiculous!} and I become hopeful. Food? Maybe? All I've had today is a lemon slice and a coffee...food would indeed be nice right about now...

Oh there was food alright.

We sat at the table and I saw a Key Lime pie. A chocolate cake. Chocolate covered strawberries, cookies, a Boston Creme pie, a giant pound cake, and a bundt cake. Dessert. Only dessert.

The sad, sad irony is that normally, this would be my idea of HEAVEN. I fucking love dessert. In fact, I just scarfed two cupcakes as I write this {it's 73O am. Yea, I'm disgusting. But that's another blog}. I have the biggest sweet tooth and am always super excited when there's too much dessert.

That is, when I'm not dying of hunger. And I felt like I was dying. My headache had ballooned, and I was starting to get dizzy. The idea of all that sugar made me feel nauseous. God, I never thought I'd see the day!

My next thought, in my migraine-distraught mind, was "Jesus, I think I'm going to kill Beehive."

Thankfully, he was sweet enough to scare up some painkillers for me--a beautiful little Motrin that did the trick almost instantly. That, a glass of milk, and a couple pieces of cake, and I almost felt normal. At the very least, I'd lost my murderous desires and was able to relax, and stop thinking I was going to have to run from the table, retching and heaving all the way to the bathroom.


Not a good way to endear myself to the Beehive family, I would imagine.