Saturday, March 08, 2008

Beer Goggles for a Virtual World

So, I've just experienced something new and different, at least for me.

I've now entered the realm of Virtual Beer Goggles.

Virtual Beer Goggles occur when one is, duh, intoxicated, and cruising a (legit) dating website for knights in shining armor who will be willing to come to her rescue at a moment's notice, and well, you know, rescue her.

I found myself in awe of all of the good looking men who were online last night, just waiting to be contacted by moi and have their socks knocked off. I sent out email after email, one more witty than the next, just knowing that all of these men were going to fall madly in love with me just from the very sight of me and my drunken ramblings...

Not surprisingly, I did not hear back from anyone, at least not right away.

One by one, the reply emails are popping into my inbox like acne on a teen boy's chin...and one by one I'm looking at their profiles going "who are these people?" None of them look familiar to me. The guy who I thought was "charmingly scruffy" just sort of looks like a dorky fat guy. The one who seemed almost out of my league, turns out he might be a little cross eyed.

Because I was wearing my virtual beer goggles...

8 comments:

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Wow, that sounds crazy scary, no more trolling the dating sites for me after a couple of glasses of wine.

kat said...

I've been reading but not commenting. I have to comment here though... it's too funny. I haven't had the exact same experience but definitely something similar. The moral is: the internet and alcohol of ANY kind simply do not mix. It's like drunk dialing times 1,000.

i like cheese said...

Dutchess-hahaha, yea, anytime I do anything with a few glasses of wine in me I end up in trouble ;)
Happily, I did hear from one or two guys that I am considering going out with, so, I'll keep you posted!

Kat-The internet and alcohol, oh lord i have a whole other blog about that ;) Lately, for me, it's my cell phone. Text messaging really has brought drunk dialing to a whole other level...

The Desperate Writer said...

Haha, this is great. We run an online dating blog, so I read tons of stories. This is one of the funniest phenomena I've come across. Best of luck restoring yourself to 20/20...

kristen said...

thats my favorite part of online dating - i LOVE to see the people i deemed worthy of winking, emailing, etc in my stupor... i mean, its better than waking up next to someone who looks like that...

Kontessa Krunk, Esq. said...

No, seriously, why is it so hard to get laid in this town? I demand that some of that cancer research money go towards solving my problem of only having manually-induced orgasms.

In a city of 8,000,000 people, there has to be one man who can fake not-stupid long enough to get me off.

Digital Fortress said...

That was so damn funny...virtual beer goggles. I think you've hit on something there.

i like cheese said...

Desperate Writer-if you need more fodder for your blog, let me know. I have a funny feeling I'm going to have a TON of stories to tell. And it ain't gonna be pretty!

Kristen-I feel ya, online dating sister of mine :)

KK-I think we should host a walkathon to benefit our cause: Wipe Out Manually-Induced Orgasms. And by the way, I'm not picky, I'll take stupid. As long as they can fake not-asshole, it's all good.

Digital Fortress: Watch out--you might see it on a tshirt!