So while at the gym during lunch, I got a brilliant idea.
“Self”, I said, “you’ve been doing so well with this no drinking thing and skimping on food thing. Maybe you should weigh yourself again.”
So I put my Self on the scale in the locker room, mind you a completely different scale from the one I weighed myself on a few days ago, and imagine my surprise when I weighed 7 pounds more than I did the other night.
Of course, rule number one is, always weigh yourself on the same scale. And rule number two is, never weigh yourself more than once a week. And rule number three is, don’t go by the numbers on the scale.
And rule # 4 is don’t let the Cheese get on a scale to begin with. Ever. Because it can make or break her mood in a span of seconds.
Ok. So what if I never lost those five pounds to begin with? I can’t really mourn something that I never had, right?
Instead of wallowing in a cesspool of self-pity, I am going to wax nostalgic about the song “She Sells Sanctuary” by the Cult.
It popped up on random on my Ipod while I was running—what is it about that song that makes me want to either dance til I drop or fuck someone senseless while listening to it on repeat?
It’s one of those songs that, when you hear it, you automatically think you look so much cooler walking down the street, and your hips sway just a little bit more, and your hair swings like the Breck girl, and life in general feels way happier.
See? Better already.