I am not one for major drama in relationships. When I leave a relationship, I generally walk away with a clean break. The exception being my last long term, which lasted 8 years and we had a lot of history together. But even he, I don't hear from or speak to anymore, and other than wanting to know how my cats are doing, I'm really fine with not having any contact.
I am no stranger, however, to having my lovers' ex's be annoyingly present, whether in spirit or literally, they just won't fucking go away. What is it about women who feel the need to stay in the picture? Why do they do that? My last b-friend was married before he met me (long before he met me} and his stupid exwife, who had REMARRIED, insisted on never leaving the scene. SHe woud call at inappropriate hours (7am on a Sunday} or send emails saying things like "I certainly hope the Cheese doesn't think I'm trying to take you away from her. wink." To which I took it upon myself to reply, "Nobody, but NOBODY, can replace the Cheese." And to think, I was the one who got in trouble for "upsetting the ex". Good God. I cannot roll my eyes ENOUGH.
I have seen my ex on the street, several times since our breakup--with his new girlfriend. I have had mutual friends tell me about said girlfriend. And you know what I say? GOOD FOR HIM. I'm glad. I have no desire to make new girlfriend feel threatened, or to show her who's boss, or to try to sabatoge the relationship...what the hell do I care, really?
However, I find that I am an anomaly on this front.
When I met Beehive, I was not looking for a relationship. I had a string of suitors and was involved in many innappropriate dalliances, and had no desire to end any of that in any way.
He, in his own right, had his own stuff going on, and an ex that wasn't entirely gone, at least not from his heart.
When we met, I had no idea that a year and a half later, I'd be sitting here smiling at the very thought of his name.
Not long after we began spending time together, I realized that I wanted all the other dalliances to fuck off. I didn't care about them. I only had eyes for Beehive.
This ex of his, she always seemed to be hanging around somehow. Its like she didn't want him anymore, but she didn't want anyone else to have him either. It was a real mindfuck, to be sure, and the more I dated Beehive, the more I knew I was in deep shit because I was falling for him, hard, and he still had feelings for the Mindfucker.
It became a source of huge anxiety for me. She'd pop up again and again, causing him stress, and me in the process. I tried to break it off with him, early on in our relationship, before I fell in too deep, but even then I realized it was too late. I was hooked, and I wasn't ready to walk away.
I even met other people (sorry Beehive!} in the hopes that I would somehow magically stop caring for him. I should have known better, it just wasn't possible.
It seemed that the only time we ever had any disagreements would be when she would make an appearance and freak him out, and I would want so badly to run away. But somehow, I knew he was worth waiting for.
As our relationship progressed, we fell in love, and all the ex bullshit and drama seemed to fall away. I guess it was a combo of her backing off, and my knowing that whatever residual feelings he had for this girl had been resolved, and we were ready to move on together, Beehive and Cheese.
Last night, she felt the need to email him because she is getting married.
I should be jumping for joy. I should be running around singing "ding dong the witch is dead. the wicked witch is dead."
Yet, the sound of her name (I love the fact that Beehive has adopted the name I have given her, "LaBitcha"} even now, causes the most volatile reaction in me. I start to panic. I immediately want to cry. Why won't this bitch let it rest? Let HIM rest? Let ME rest?
I am not worried that he is going to start questioning his feelings for me. Nor am I worried that she is trying to get him to. It's just that, her constant need to come back and remind him that she is there is so ANNOYING,and annoying to me to have to remember that she's still out there, somewhere.
This is a woman who had to be blocked from all forms of communication in order to get her to go away, and apparently CREATED a new email address to ensure that her email to him would go through. I dunno...what's the word for that...psycho???!!!
Women are nuts.