Monday, March 05, 2007

Girls Are Silly, Take 2

A couple weeks ago, I was over at the Beehive's, and feeling the need for something along the lines of a baby wipe...don't ask, cuz I'm not telling. At any rate, these items are kept in the bottom right drawer in the bathroom. I've gone in this drawer a thousand times, and never noticed anything remiss.

This particular moment, while foraging around for a non-dried out baby wipe, I happened to notice a handful of OB tampons flung into the drawer. OB tampons that were absolutely not mine. I can't use those bastards. How does any woman use those fucking things? The applicator, in my humble opinion, is a MUST. I'm not against sticking my own finger up there, but for some reason I can never get the thing to stay put. I don't even know how OB stays in business, really. But that's beside the point. My main concern was...WHO's tampons are these?

I presumed they belonged to an ex. But which one? I tried to imagine. Was it her? Was SHE the type to use OB tampons? Or the other one? Or was it some random one-night stand skank that got her period mid-hook up and left her nasty tampons at the apartment? Either way, I was quite disturbed by the sudden presence of the little beasts and left the bathroom with a weird taste in my mouth.

But score for me, I never brought up the tampons.

Cut to 2 weeks later. I'm on the way to Bay Ridge, all the while during the drive there I'm talking to the 'Hive. I suddenly burst out, "You know those tampons in your bathroom. You should probably throw them out."

I heard confusion on the other end of the phone. And then, conveniently, the phone started to cut out. ""
I heard.

"You're breaking up. I'll be there in five minutes" I hung up the phone, feeling a bit weird. I didn't know if I wanted to know the story behind the tampons. And really, why did it matter?

I got to his place and greeted him with my usual hug and kiss. And said, "So, did you throw away the tampons?"

Laughter ensued, and then a smug look, and then an explanation.

"Those are MY tampons."

I scrunched up my nose in confusion. "Youre tampons? What do you mean, when you broke your nose and needed to stick tampons up your nose to stop the bleeding?"

Uh, yea.

Apparently, to put the icing on the cake, I was asked several months ago if I would like to keep said tampons around, and of course, knowing my disdain for OB, I refused. In my jealous little freak out, I managed to forget an entire tampon conversation that was had.

I've said it before, I'm saying it again. Girls are silly. Really silly.


Irish and Jew said...

As the 10th grade I went on this 3 day camping trip in the middle of the mountains (if you knew me the previous statement alone is enough to make u laugh so hard you'd fall over) and well we had to bring a lot of crap for three days... and of course while on the trip my period comes 2 weeks early. And the only tampons on the trip is the box of OB's in the First Aid Box!! I still get chills when I think about it. How on early do you get those bad boys to stay inside you... I'll never know.


Miss Heather said...

You know the best way to keep some asshole from bogarting your wine at a party? Open it up, pour yourself a glass and then 'cork' it with a tampon. This works best with red wine (for the obvious reason).

I like you blog, BTW.