How the fuck is it possible that I was lying in my bed at 10:30pm, watching Laurel Canyon on my laptop, fought to keep my eyes open, awoke (for what I assumed was a brief moment) right as Frances McDormand and Kate Beckinsale were about to have a threesome with Alexandro Nivola (who could sleep through THAT?) and then BAM. I never went back to sleep.
I have surfed the internet 50 times over. I looked for new hairstyles on "trendylonghairstyles.com". I read every gossip website known to mankind. I read blogs that I had never read, and learned way too much about people I didn't want to know that much about to begin with *shudder*. I got up and ate a rice cake. And then another one. Then felt guilty for going over my stupid fucking Booze Watchers points. Lord. Eating disorder in the making.
I thought about all the things I could possibly think about. The whys and hows of all of my relationships and lack thereofs. The friendships that I thought were blooming, that feel like they're dying. I formulated an email in my head, then when I tried to write it it sounded retarded and I decided that it was too intense and I should leave well enough alone. Then I attempted to reply to two OTHER emails and realized I am not in any frame of mind to be making decisions about anything. NOBODY makes decisions at 2:45am!
I'm now obsessing about the fact that, I have 5 hours in which to get some shut eye. This would be acceptable if I was having a bangfest right now. But I am not. 5 hours of sleep after Bangfest, good. 5 hours of sleep after self-induced insomnia, bad.
Stupid stupid coffee that I had 12 hrs ago. Is that the culprit?
Or is it just my brain working in overtime? It's been awhile since it worked the night shift.