Thursday, August 30, 2007

My Day, Thus Far

I woke up in my usual state of panic this morning, knowing that today was just not going to be all that amazing.

My first clue was the stupid dream that woke me up. The dream where my boyfriend was hording pictures of his ugly, stupid exgirlfriend all over his house. They were all framed, and one of them was in a heart shaped locket.

When I asked, in the dream, why on earth he would have these things out and on display, he replied, "Oh, to piss her off."

So that's the beginning of my day.

I finally managed to shake off the doom and gloom that was created in my slumber, and got my ass to the pool for a morning swim.

The swim itself was going just fine, until my lane was taken over by a very, very large woman who insisted on doing some sort of weird water calisthenics wherein her legs needed to straddle both sides of the lane. I was wondering if she thought I was supposed to be swimming through her legs, decided I didn't want to go down that road, and got out of the pool, 10 minutes earlier than planned.

Once showered and blow-dried, I made my way to the Pax Deli on 49th and Broadway for some breakfast. I generally stop there for breakfast after my swims, as my gym is a block away. I generally only order bagels. Today I was in the mood for eggs. Big mistake. Turns out this was a confusing and perplexing move on my part, for which I will never be forgiven.

"I'd like 2 eggs, sunnyside up, and a toasted bagel. Buttered." Easy enough, right?

"A sandwich?" Counter boy asked.

"No. 2 eggs. Bagel on side."

"Let me give you a #1" he pointed to the sign above the counter. A #1 came with toast, home fries, and bacon.

"I don't want a #1. I want two fried eggs and a bagel. That's all."

He could not for the life of him understand what the hell I was going to do with two fried eggs and a bagel. Maybe I should shove them up his ass. Maybe then he'll get the message.

So somehow, I got my order (after being asked two more times if I wanted it as a sandwich) and then brought it up to the front to pay. Woman at the cash register starts to unwrap my bagel, which is tightly stuffed into tin foil.

"It's a bagel. With butter." I growled.

"Hold on, hold on, lemme check" she puts up her hand in protest. Her dirty hand. With her other dirty hand, she continues to unwrap my bagel.

WHY IN GODS NAME ARE YOU GOING TO UNWRAP FOOD THAT HAS BEEN PACKAGED VERY SANITARILY? WHY DO YOU NEED TO TOUCH MY FOOD WITH YOUR DIRTY HANDS THAT LOOK LIKE YOU WIPED YOUR ASS WITH THEM?

She saw the steam coming out of my ears and offered to get me another bagel.

No thanks. I'll eat the dirty one that is now raging with Legionnaires Disease. It's ok.

I am now feeling really faint and dizzy--not sure if it's from the Legionnaires Disease, or because I was probably given caffeinated coffee-which I can't drink-when I clearly asked for decaf.

Since it is only now noon, and I am about to leave for a lunch with someone who I absolutely do not want to be sitting with for the next two hours, I can safely say that this day is definitely not on its way to getting any better.

3 comments:

DrunkBrunch said...

Ugh! I will forever hate ex-girlfriends after all the sh*t I went through in my last relationship.

[spit]

Well it's Friday now, so I hope you have a great holiday weekend :)

One Song Per Week said...

one starving musician came by briefly to say: morning panics are no good. neither is paying 12 bucks for a side of eggs, which we did last time we were in NYC.

OSPW

The Bee said...

Dirty hands and the bagel.... I gagged. Nooooo thank you.