Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Too Close For Comfort? Never! Just Roll With It.

One of my bestest friends in the whole world lives upstairs from me, which is absolutely positively my favorite thing about where I live, hands down.

We share food, clothes (well, the ones that we can...she's 5'11 and a size 4...I'm 5'3 and, well,not a size 4)booze, computers, you name it. On any given day, I will get a text from her asking if I have yet again "stolen" her laundry room keys, because I can never seem to find mine. Sometimes I go into my cupboard, knowing that I have just bought a jar of peanut butter...not seeing said jar, and unable to figure out what the hell I did with it. Was I drunk and ate the whole thing? Did I dream that I bought a jar? Uh, no. Lesty snuck in one night and took the jar, along with your only roll of toilet paper. Good times!

We joke that I am the Resident Advisor of our dorm, since I am older, and try to be the responsible one.

Lesty was hosting a New Years Day brunch, and needed somewhere to house two giant gallons of Edys ice cream. Her freezer wasn't working, so we put the ice cream in mine earlier in the day.

The brunch started at 3, which in my mind means, show up at 4. Never mind that I live downstairs and don't even have to put on shoes to get to her place. I am a big fan of the late entrance, shared living space or no.

In addition, I became a bit distracted, truth be told, while showering with the boyfriend. Funny how that happens.

Somehow, before I knew it, I was kneeling over the Beehive, my face firmly planted in that perfect bubblebutt you all know I can't resist...and then the doorbell rings.

The ice cream! Fuck!

I know I have to answer it, the poor girl is trying to hold a brunch for God's sake, and I'm ruining it with my unstoppable sex drive. I removed my face from Beehive's ass, threw a towel around me, and ripped open the door.

"Oh God....you're having sex" she stammered. "Oh God Oh God"

"No worries" I said. "Just take what you need and I'll see you later. Oh yea, and if you need to come back down, gimme about half an hour" I winked.

I thought she was going to puke as she exited the apartment...it was almost akin to walking in on your PARENTS. Poor thing.

After falling asleep, waking up and realizing it was well past four, we threw on our clothes and hightailed it to the brunch.

"We were wondering where you were!" people greeted me, with knowing looks.

"We fell asleep" I explained.

"I'll BET you did!" one drunk fuck replied.

Hey! At least the Resident Advisor is getting laid!


Anonymous said...

"Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it's forgivable to go ass to mouth."

Lori Mocha said...

My dream is to have my BFF live next door.

You are SO LUCKY.