Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Crazy Cat Lady

The other day my friend Akat was over and she remarked that Igbot was looking a little skinny.

Now, for those of you who have never met Igbot, trust me when I say that skinny is not a word you would use to describe him. "Big-boned" if you're being diplomatic...."fat as fuck" if you're just being honest.

But Akat insisted that he had lost some weight. She pointed to his hip area and said, "look, right there, he's smaller."

Now, Akat has recently lost two of her own kitties, within six months of each other, so she might be a little on high alert right now with regard to other people's animals...so I dismissed her. But every single day after that I couldn't help but notice that she might be right. And then someone else was over and asked about his fat sac. "That's always been there" I replied. "But it's more hangy now" he observed. Hmmmm.

Fast forward two weeks and I have decided that Igbot is emaciated. He seriously must have lost at least a pound a day... my cat was disappearing before my very eyes! To the vet he must go!

I piled him into a carrier as he cursed at me. We sat in the waiting room while strange dogs walked up and sniffed my poor cat...did they know something I don't know? Don't animals always know when another animal is sick?

The vet called us in. The first thing he commented on was what a big boy Igbot is. "Really? Because he's lost a lot of weight, and he's all skin and bones as far as I'm concerned" I explained very matter of factly, as if the vet couldn't see with his own eyes.

He threw Igbot on the scale, and started mumbling..."7.9..."

"7.9??? Last time we were here he weighed 16 pounds! OMG my cat is dying!"

The vet looked up and snickered. "We weigh in kilograms. Your cat is 17.5 pounds. He's gained 1.5 since the last time you were here."


"Are you sure?" I demanded he weigh my poor cat again. This couldn't be right.

(The last time I was at this vet I had brought Igbot in because he had thrown up the night before. When I said that Igbot was acting weird in the morning, the vet said "you would be too if you threw up." Touche).

The vet spent the next 15 minutes literally laughing at me. He basically said Igbot was one fat motherfucker...and that I needed to get a life and stop obsessing about my cat so much.

Stop judging me, Vet!

Even though he may be right ;)


The Dutchess of Kickball said...

lol that's great! Totally made my day. Your cat is a fat motherfucker!

kristen said...

poor igby! the horrors of being dragged to the fat for being too skinny when he had, in fact, gained weight!!!

Susan said...

dude! Your cat has man-boobs!

i like cheese said...

Dutchess-Ssssh...we try not to say that around him..he's sensitive ;)

Kristen--the vet actually said to me, "if your cat is dying of anything, it is obesity." nice!

Susan--they're called cat boobs. And you haven't had the pleasure of seeing his vagina belly!!

roopa said...

That is totally my favorite photo of Igbot. The pose screams "Yeah, I'm a fat fuck, you got a problem with that?"

i like cheese said...

EVERY photo of him screams that! Ha!