Thursday, October 04, 2007

Douchebag

The other morning I'd left myself as little time as possible to get to work, which is a pretty normal occurence.

These days, however, I'm trying to eat better/save money by bringing my day's worth of food to work. Which is great, except for when I decide to make a batch of guacamole to go with my frozen Amy's Burrito. And it's already 915 and I still need to put my gym crap in a bag and get my ass on a train.

I peeled the avocado quite easily. So easily that it slipped out of my little paw and started to tumble down the front of my dress. I caught it in the nick of time but a piece of avocado stuck to my black sundress. Fuck. I flicked it off and didn't think twice about it as I proceeded to mash up the rest of the green yummy goodness.

I finally got myself out of the house, and onto the subway. I was feeling pretty accomplished. I'd managed to remember my lunch, my gym stuff, I got some makeup on and my hair wasnt half bad. Not such a horrible morning. Til I looked down and saw the green goo.


Yes yes. Green, nasty, boogery looking goo, all down the front of my flouncy cute dress. Motherfucker.

I held my large bag in front of my body so no one would think I'd been slimed a la Ghostbusters. As much as I knew there was nothing I could do about it, being that I was on the train, I just couldn't stop obsessing about it. What if the shit didn't come out? I was so not going to walk around my office with avocado jizz smeared all over me. The horror.

Thankfully, I am insane about vag freshness, and therefore had a package of Summer's Eve pussy wipes in my purse. You bet your ass I whipped that shit out, yanked a fresh wipey from the pack, and rubbed myself with it.

Not only am I classy, but I am also resourceful.

5 comments:

roopa said...

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Actually, what you did was not in the slightest bit disgusting. (It would have been had you pulled out some Preparation-H wipes.) Besides, pussy wipes are just re-branded baby wipes, and since when is wiping your avacodo-ed dress clean with a baby wipe disgusting?

The Bee said...

Hehehehe, this sounds like something I would do. p.s. I love Amy's burritos!

skinbeatergreg said...

Im gonna start blowing my nose with pussywipes so folks will think I'm getting laid all the time.

Ahhh...Now my face no longer has that "not so fresh" feeling!

Ha Ha Sound said...

Yeah, nothing wrong with that. Kudos to you for your resourcefulness!!

Hex said...

You're kinda like MacGuyver when you think about it.