Monday, December 11, 2006

Won't You Be My Neighbor

When I moved into my new apartment,9 months ago, the boy and I christened pretty much every room in the place. Including the kitchen floor. Sans curtains. Windows open wide. Lights on. Might I add, many of my windows face another building, in which if I reached out to touch my neighbor, I could actually grab him by the scruff and pull him in to join the sordid festivities, if I so desired (for the record, I don't desire).

I do fancy myself an exhibitionist of sorts, but I am not thrilled at the prospect of my neighbors seeing and hearing every move I make, especially of the sexual variety. I have been meaning to purchase blinds for months now, but somehow this proves to be more frustrating to me than trying to solve an algebraic equation.

I have since gotten new neighbors across the way, and my intention was to get blinds BEFORE they witnessed any of my sexual acrobatics, so that we could start off on the right foot, and if I saw them on the street, I wouldn't have to run and hide in shame.

Of course this never happened. And so, last night, while woozy from the weekend and chilling with Beehive watching football, I started to get randy on the couch. Before the poor boy knew what was happening, I was straddling him, and bra and t-shirt were being pulled off and thrown around the room like confetti.

I wanted him on that couch, and nothing was going to stop me.

"Lemme go turn off the lights" I purred as I slithered off of him, covering my tits with his white t-shirt. As I reached down, in front of the window, to turn off the lamp, I look up and see my neighbor, sitting in the window, looking right at me. And there I stood, frozen, my tits only partially covered, my pants unbuckled and about to slide down to my ankles.


We decided to forgo the couch and snuck over to my bedroom, where the frolicking continued.

This morning, I took out the garbage, and there was my lovely neighbor, standing out on his stoop, smoking a cigarette. Wouldn't you just know, as I opened up the lid of the trash can, a gold foil Magnum condom wrapper flew out of the bag and landed right at his feet.

I am SO getting blinds tonight. And big, wraparound sunglasses.

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