Giving Spanks

I'm not usually a big fan of the holidays. So much ado about nothing, I say. Scroogey McScrooger over here hates the fake sentimentality, the commercial superficiality, the giving of meaningless gifts because it's expected. I also have a new reason to hate the holidays-I'm scared to fucking shit that I'm going to become a whale after spending days upon days eating and drinking myself to oblivion. There, I said it.

In addition, it was exactly one year ago that my poor neighbor was murdered next door by her own son, and Thanksgiving day last year was the day my friend UK's cat decided to fall ill while we were ingesting post-Thanksgiving cocktails and just went ahead and died in the cab on the way to the emergency room. So I had a pretty shitty and foreboding feeling about this Thanksgiving.

I'm not one to do the recap of fun things I did this weekend like a grade schooler writing an essay about summer camp...but I owe it to myself to remember just exactly how amazing this past weekend was, because for the first time in probably EVER I feel completely happy and satisfied after a holiday.

Thanksgiving Day was a bit of a worry for me, as the Birthday Present was coming to Sardi's with my family for lunch (we never eat home cooked Thanksgiving anymore-too much to cook for too few people, so Sardi's is our go to). He's met them before but as I've mentioned in the past, they are funny little people, and I just never know what I'm going to get...it ended up being really pleasant, and daresay I think they might like him, so yay.

As in the last several years, my sister and I crash our lovely friends' celebration with a bottle of wine, complain that we're too full but eat the awesome spicy nuts that they make and the heiney hurting hot sauce cheese spread and then we have to move on to the next destination but we never ever want to.

This year, another good friend decided to open up his place to have "orphan Thanksgiving" and about 15 of us showed up with potluck-some really freakin amazing food which I definitely partook of, I also brought a pumpkin pie (low fat, but of course!) which I allowed myself to try-in between the stuffing of our pieholes I caught up with so many awesome friends that I haven't seen in a while including Bandaid Crush and his friend from LA who I adore and who is in this reality show.

Birthday Present and I thought we would meet up later in the eve but I rolled myself out the door and down the street to my sis' house as I couldn't even make it in a cab back to Brooklyn. So full, so drunk, so lazy...ugh.

Friday I went to the Birthday Present's house and we met his parents in his nabe for Thanksgiving #4 at an Italian/Mexican joint in the burg. Wasn't sure how that would work out but it's actually kind of great-if you're feeling like a burrito, they have that-but if you want pasta, they have that too. Sometimes you just don't know, right?

Saturday I was lucky enough to join this hotness and her friend who is now my friend, with their posse at this evil little piece of greatness where they have unlimited different flavored mimosas and this thing called a Perone which is basically a wine bong. There were a lot of different techniques witnessed with Ms Pants in the lead I think, what with her no gag reflex and all. Somehow, I was able to continue on and spend the rest of the day on the LES tagging along while DB and Ms Pants foraged for street art and introduced me to Lady Pink. After a few more drinks with them they moved on to greener pastures, I had my first pizza in 2 months (delicious, btdubs) and somehow found the energy to meet another gal pal back in BK on my whirlwind day of deliciousness before crashing at my pad, finally, with sleepy kitties in my sleepy bed.

Last but not least, I got in a much needed gym day, met Not Sister for pedis, then met Real Sister for Marilyn Monroe. one last glass of wine for the weekend, and a new Turkish place where we tortured the poor shy waiter with our loud ridiculousness. But in the end I think he was amused. Two Cheese sisters in once place is usually too much for most people.

I think I need to post all this mostly for myself, to remind myself that I have a fucking lot to be thankful for, that I am surrounded by people who rock and who make me feel like I rock, and that I can get away with an anxiety free stretch of time. Oh yea and also that the holidays don't have to suck. Finally.

Martini Musings

While I munch (yea, I said munch) on my kale salad and plain baked potato, I sit down to the very daunting task of catching you all up on my last few months. And by you all I very definitely mean all 3 of you, but I know there are at least 3 of you, so I'm sure you're a little curious to know how I'm faring with all the "I can't breathe" anxiety bullshit, and everything else.

Well, let's start off by saying that I had a beautiful panic attack in front of the Birthday Present last weekend that was just off the charts. Dare I say, he was scared shitless. I do believe he thought I was dying. As I was gasping for air, I had to reassure HIM that I was going to be ok. Lolz.

But after that, I actually have been panic free KNOCK WOOD. That was almost 2 weeks ago. So the biofeedback might be working.

Part of the biofeedback process is getting 3 very big notebooks and filling them up with the 3 things that cause me anxiety-one is the actual anxiety itself, one is my relationship, and lastly, my job. I put this off for several weeks, but once I sat down to write about the anxiety, it all came flowing out.  The relationship notebook is empty. I can't bring myself to write anything. That is NOT to say that there is nothing to write. Hmmm.

So basically, what I think you guys don't know is that I had gotten my blood test results from the doctor and they told me I was borderline diabetic. This was a shocking revelation, but not a surprising one. From the time I was old enough to eat, I can remember being obsessed with sugar, which is handed down from dear old dad. And guess what, dear old dad also was told several years back that he was borderline diabetic. So like father like daughter-I got this piece of news and became obsessed.

Since my first doctor's visit back in September, I have lost 13 pounds, with about 25 more to go. I can honestly say I'm the thinnest I've been in 10 years. Whoop! I had the balls to try on a pair of bell bottom cords that I haven't worn since like 2004 and they were big. So I kept them on and wore the shit out of them. Bell bottoms or no, they fucking fit for the first time in forever and I rocked that shit!

 I don't eat most foods...and that includes sugar..and this is utter bullshit because I am amazed by food and completely dependent on food as my emotional crutch and my happiness.  No fucking more! I'd rather starve than have diabetes, or feel like my throat is closing up. I don't miss desserts but I do miss being carefree about things. I also had to give up coffee. I drink iced coffee 365 days a year. I think I may have figured out how to get around that-I started cold brewing a half-caf blend at home and watering it down with a LOT of ice. Day 2 and I haven't had anxiety, reflux, or palpitations yet...so I may be home free. We'll see. And oh my GOD this is a boring conversation. I may have to start a new blog so I can talk about this diet crap for the people who actually care!

My contract at work got extended another 6 months. So instead of being unemployed right before Christmas, I can actually buy gifts like a rock star and maybe even go on a much needed VACATION. Maybe.

So I guess things are a lot better than they were the last time we talked.