Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Ring out the Old Before I Wring My Neck

So, I guess it's that time where I'm supposed to put together all of my collective thoughts about the year and sum it all up in a neat little synopsis, tied up tight with a little red bow.

Fuck that. 2008 was a messy year, it was all over the place, and so shall this blog post be.

As I think about the events of the last 12 months, I am shocked at how LONG this year seemed. I have always felt that my life has been rushing by me with every passing birthday, but this year seemed to drag on and on, torturing me with its longevity.

Many of the milestones that hit were heavy duty and seemed, at the time, drastic and traumatic: serious breakup, turning 40, and losing my job.

Looking back on those events, however, I am able to realize that a lot more good has come out of each of those things than not. The guy wasn't right for me...40 is the new 30....and I hated my job with a passion that shone as bright as a thousand suns. So only good can come out of any of it.

Another thing that I seem to have figured out this year that I am friggin RESILIENT. I keep getting punched in the face and somehow emerge with only minor bruising. The glass has been half full more often than not, although once in a while when it is half empty I do so want to fucking give up and throw in the towel on life. But not that often.

I've had break up sex. I've had make up sex. I've had booty call sex. I've dated guys that epitomize every male in NYC, from musicians to computer geeks to writers to former Olympians...guys with blue hair, stoner dudes, artists, frat boys, playrights. ALL of them had baggage. I got myself a stalker. I now know how it feels to be a complete victim and I will never take such things lightly AGAIN (he's still calling). I've made friends with guys who have had their dick in me, and made friends with guys who WANTED to have their dick in me. I've also lost friends, also because they've had their dick in me, and have learned the hard way that fucking is not always the answer to everything.

Mysterious Guy just called. He asked me this question: "If you weren't you, who would you be?" I couldn't even wrap my brain around that. If I wasn't me, I wouldn't be anyone. Period, the end. I'm taking this life, the good the bad and all of it, and making it whatever it needs to be. The pieces of my personal puzzle will fall into place, little by little they've already begun.

So. Happy New Year and all that crap. See you in the '09.


Susan said...

"Looking back on those events, however, I am able to realize that a lot more good has come out of each of those things than not."

Brilliant!...but not as brilliant as "if I wasn't me, I wouldn't be anyone."

You ARE resilient and I've really enjoyed reading your blog. So, here's to a year of forgetting the old and forging ahead!

Kontessa Krunk, Esq. said...

I'm holding you to that last sentence.