I got home from work tonight a little bit stressed out, with my cell phone ringing off the hook with more work people trying to drain me of all of my blood and other bodily fluids. I sat down on my couch and poured myself an innocent glass of wine, and lo and behold...3 hours later, here I remain, 3/4 of the bottle missing. Missing I tell you! Where did those beautiful golden droplets go? I fear they may be sitting in the bowels of my tummy, but oooh how much fun it was while it was going down!
Some things that I've learned this evening, while chillin' with my homey, Talus Chardonnay {which, I will admit, I completely stole off of my ex-assistant's desk while leaving the office tonight. It had been sitting there for a while, and I decided that no one was going to miss it. oops}.
-Kashi Mediterreanean Frozen pizza..the nutritional info indicates that there are three servings in the box. I don't THINK so!
-I post super long, well thought-out comments on others' blogs while under the influence. Life-changing stuff--if I happened to give you any advice tonight, you should listen!
-Never Been Kissed. What a great movie. Oscar worthy! Michael Vartan. Yummy..wanna slurp up with a spoon. Do they give Oscars for extreme hotness?
-I can conduct a conference call, from my couch, after two glasses of wine. And sound way more professional than my every day me. So sad. But true.
-If I squint, I have the same profile as Mr Roper on Threes Company
-My cat really likes it when I sing Hole songs in falsetto. He thinks I am in heat and starts to hump my leg. Horny ass cat. Just like his momma.
-I created a new dessert for desperados too drunk and tired to go to the supermarket for REAL ice cream--take a blue bunny cookies n cream popsicle, nuke it for 1O seconds to make it nice and gushy. Cover with Redi Whip originally purchased for naughty sex games, sprinkle with chocolate syrup ALSO purchased for said sex games, yet somehow always gets used for actual dessert situations. Hardcore chocoholics can sprinkle choc chips on top...you know, the ones that were bought to make Christmas truffles with, but that now just sit in the cupboard waiting for moments like this.
-I really do enjoy date night with myself at home. It's been a while since I've had one, and damn, do I treat myself good!
Showing posts with label Igby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Igby. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
A Mother's Guilt
As most of you know, Igby the Wonder Cat is my pride and joy. As well as being the biggest pain in the ass that ever lived. He's needy. He's codependent. He demands attention 24-7 and he has this annoying desire to lick your entire epidermis off when you aren't looking.
He is awfully cute, though.
At any rate, the little beast is a picky eater, and generally only eats Fancy Feast. The new, fancy kind. That cost a dollar a can and smell like someone vomited crabmeat into a tuna's mouth. I have to feed it to him, or I risk having cat tongue attached to my cheek all night. So stinky Fancy Feast he gets.
The other day, I got the brilliant idea to change things up a bit. I bought some Nutro Classic Gourmet in the pouch. Fishy and in gravy, just like he likes it.
I fed this to him Friday morning, and then skibbled off to work, and then later, to Beehive's house.
After getting Beehive off to bed, I watched the 11 o'clock news and saw the recall. Which included Nutro products. Ack! Leave it to me to switch up my cat's food right when a massive nationwide recall occurs. Only the Cheese...
So the next day, I get home, scared to find my cat on death's door, or worse, already dead, stiff as a board lying in front of his food bowl, eyes open and staring at me with a look that says "Look what you did to me, you evil fuck,"
Thankfully, this was not the case, and Igby the wonder cat was fine.
Mainly due to the fact that of couse, he hated the fucking food, and ate three bites before calling it quits.
Of couse, the guilt has overtaken me, and I am now spoiling the little shit rotten. because "mommy almost killed him"
The other night. Lesty was over to watch The Hills. Igby was perched on top of the couch, humping his favorite fleece blanket.
"What the hell is he doing?" Lesty screamed. He's grinding against the blanket right behind my head! Make it stop!"
But of course, I can't, because Mommy almost killed him.
It's 3am and you're hungry? Mommy will feed you. You want to lick my face until you fall asleep? Go to town. You want to hump my butterscotch bear because you're too lazy to go into the other room and hump the blankie? Go for it.
He is awfully cute though!
He is awfully cute, though.
At any rate, the little beast is a picky eater, and generally only eats Fancy Feast. The new, fancy kind. That cost a dollar a can and smell like someone vomited crabmeat into a tuna's mouth. I have to feed it to him, or I risk having cat tongue attached to my cheek all night. So stinky Fancy Feast he gets.
The other day, I got the brilliant idea to change things up a bit. I bought some Nutro Classic Gourmet in the pouch. Fishy and in gravy, just like he likes it.
I fed this to him Friday morning, and then skibbled off to work, and then later, to Beehive's house.
After getting Beehive off to bed, I watched the 11 o'clock news and saw the recall. Which included Nutro products. Ack! Leave it to me to switch up my cat's food right when a massive nationwide recall occurs. Only the Cheese...
So the next day, I get home, scared to find my cat on death's door, or worse, already dead, stiff as a board lying in front of his food bowl, eyes open and staring at me with a look that says "Look what you did to me, you evil fuck,"
Thankfully, this was not the case, and Igby the wonder cat was fine.
Mainly due to the fact that of couse, he hated the fucking food, and ate three bites before calling it quits.
Of couse, the guilt has overtaken me, and I am now spoiling the little shit rotten. because "mommy almost killed him"
The other night. Lesty was over to watch The Hills. Igby was perched on top of the couch, humping his favorite fleece blanket.
"What the hell is he doing?" Lesty screamed. He's grinding against the blanket right behind my head! Make it stop!"
But of course, I can't, because Mommy almost killed him.
It's 3am and you're hungry? Mommy will feed you. You want to lick my face until you fall asleep? Go to town. You want to hump my butterscotch bear because you're too lazy to go into the other room and hump the blankie? Go for it.
He is awfully cute though!
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