Friday, November 09, 2007

paul mccartney's new girlfriend, and other stuff

Unless you live under a rock, or pay absolutely no attention to the news whatsoever, you would know that Paul McCartney has a new lady friend.
I honestly couldn't have given a shit-I mean, the man's in his sixties, and, if he had any sex appeal ever, he lost it somewhere between Sergeant Pepper and being involved with the one-legged golddigger .   I personally did not pay one lick of attention to the stories that were brewing.

Until I found out that, Paul's new lady friend


is the high school girlfriend of a guy that I work with.

Read all about it here

Can you imagine opening up your New York Post, and there you see the guy or gal you lost your virginity to, sneaking around with one of the biggest pop stars on the planet?  I mean, this is the first chick that let you stick your hand down her panties, who you probably went to the prom with, who you vowed to love forever at the tender age of 16.  And there she is, skulking around with Sir Paul McCartney. I would have to say, I'd feel pretty damn cool, being able to say "that's the girl that gave me my first blowjob, and just look at her now!"

In fact, I too can toot my own horn, and brag a little about my high school boyfriend.
I mean, just look at him:

my high school boyfriend
He has his own website, and everything! ;)
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
On a related note, I got a message alert from Friendster not too long ago letting me know that (redacted) was trying to reach me. Let's call him Buttface.  I only knew one person named Buttface in my entire life, and I in no way ever thought he would find me on a networking website (and FRIENDSTER? I mean, who even uses Friendster anymore?).  Buttface and I went to high school together, and somewhere I think in my Sophomore year I developed a huge crush on him.  He was a humongous flirt, and I know that I made out with him at least once (but no hands in the panties.  I was still pretty pure back then). He was italian, and gorgeous, and very, very sensual...regardless, I was just another cute little Sophomore to make out with, and he broke my little heart, probably a million times.
Cut to a bajillion years later, and I get this Friendster message, and now I'm curious, because what if it's THE Buttface?
It was.
All it said was, "I KNEW I'd find you."
So I politely emailed him back, laughing inside because a rumor had gone around several years back that this person had actually died a horrible, accidental death--and clearly he was still with us--and never really thought much of it.
Another message from Buttface:  "Here's my personal email address.  You can reach me there."
I guess I didn't care all that much, because I forgot about it (which is so not like me. I email EVERYBODY).  And then I saw another message from a couple weeks ago.  I guess he got tired of waiting for a reply  that wasn't coming: " X years have passed and I still can't rouse any interest on your part???... I am shattered."
What what what?
First of all buddy, don't mention the fact that it's been "X" amount of years since high school. A lady does not wish to remember how old she truly is.
And B, I don't love you anymore! X years have passed, and I think I've gotten over you! So, sorry Buttface, but there's no interest being roused over here. Ya feel me?





roopa said...

Corey Olsen!!!!!

I need to find my unrequited high school love. I will report back with details if I ever find him.

kristen said...

omg, thanks to your inspiration, i just found my HS boyfriend - on linkedin (aka 'myspace for adults').

however, unlike your HS BF did, i'm not going to email mine... i just think its funny that i could if i wanted to...

brookLyn gaL said...

It's a fear of mine that if I ever got famous, some of the weirdos I dated in the past would surface. I could just see them going on Oprah spilling all kinds of secrets about me (not like I even have any major secrets- but the thought terrifies me regardless!)